


call all you want, but there's no one, you're not gonna reach my phone

by orphan_account



Category: A Song of Ice and Fire - George R. R. Martin, Game of Thrones (TV)
Genre: 4 Things, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Established Relationship, F/M, Implied Sexual Content
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-10-22
Updated: 2017-10-22
Packaged: 2019-01-19 10:50:21
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,611
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12408921
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: 4 times Jaime called Tyrion at the wrong time and one time Tyrion calls Jaime at the wrong time.





	call all you want, but there's no one, you're not gonna reach my phone

The first time it happens, it is when Jaime is simply watching Lord of the Rings (suggested by his darling little brother) on his television, inside the lonely flat he bought for himself after he decided his father was indeed, shitty. 

 

Jaime realizes that he's left his golf stick and half his clothes (no, not the ones he's wearing) inside Tyrion's house because the both of them were invested on having some brotherly love with no women between them for once. 

But when he calls Tyrion, he gets a nasty shock. 

 

"Hey, Tyr? You there?" Is the first thing Jaime asks casually, leaning on the sofa he was sitting again. 

_"Do you really have to call now?"_

Jaime furrows his brow, wondering what he had done to make Tyrion upset at this time of day. 

"Yeah, I just called because I want-"

_"Call later! I'm kind of busy over here!"_

It doesn't take two seconds for Jaime to pierce whatever's happening the second he hears  _Sansa Stark_ whine and gasp, and he was even more unfortunate to hear right from Tyrion's mouth, who happens to have a _very_ aroused voice at that moment, that something which was directly taken out of Fifty Shades of Grey was happening right there.

 _Meaning; Tyrion had gotten his little girlfriend all tied up._  

He slams his phone inside his pocket and aggressively munches on the nachos next to him to drive  _that_ mental image away from his brain. 

 

The moment he decides that his clothes and golf stick can stay there for all of eternity after having finished watching the entire Lord of the Rings saga on DVD, Tyrion calls him. 

"I got no service and I'll finish off whatever little I have right now. Thanks." Jaime says blandly as he hangs up. 

 

That's not very fair on his part, his conscience whispers and Jaime kicks the air as he simply lolls on the sofa before justifying it to himself that no sibling should get to know their younger sibling's sex life. 

That thought makes his conscience shut up. 

* * *

The second time it happens, Jaime's at a date with Brienne Tarth and thus, royally embarrasses himself. 

 

Brienne's a literal angel, Jaime swears as he grins at her small jokes and he really enjoys being with this naive little angel who's disguised as a giant hulking mass of a woman. 

It was only unfortunate that his dear father had to send him a call to call Tyrion because he wasn't picking up for some reason or the other. 

That in itself should have served as a warning. 

 

Jaime smiles uncomfortably as Brienne looks curiously at him after his father's call. 

"Who was that?" Brienne asks, blinking in confusion. 

"My dad. Just a sec, I'll call my little brother." Jaime says, shifting his focus to his phone to find out where the heck Tyrion's number was in his Contacts list. 

"Aha," he mutters to himself as he presses the number and puts the phone to his ear. 

"Tyr?" He asks the second he finds out that the receiver indeed was willing to pick up the phone. 

_"What's with you assholes calling me when I'm at a club? Can I not spend one date with my girlfriend without you people making my phone blast my ringtone the entire fucking time?! Why I ought to taser your balls off, no Sansa, this is like the fifteenth call I got-"_

Jaime winces and holds the phone away from him the second he realizes _he's fucked and Tyrion's pissed beyond belief_ and then hangs up the phone. 

"I'm guessing he's busy." Brienne says blandly, spinning her milkshake's straw absentmindedly with her index finger. 

Jaime just exhales and shakes his head. 

* * *

 

The third time it happens, it's at a family dinner. 

 

Jaime's no fan of family dinners, just like Tyrion, but he's kind of jobless and besides, he's not willing to waste his phone's battery by listening to an hour length tirade on how he shamed the Lannister family name. 

Ha, Jaime wants to snort, as if there is anything left of said family name after Joffrey's antics. 

 

The family is there at the fancy restaurant which his dear father has chosen as a venue, and by family, he means his Baratheon in-laws, Aunt Genna, Uncle Kevan, Aunt Dorna, and Lancel who was a loser beyond compare. 

Meaning, _everyone_ was there.

Except Tyrion. 

Jaime has a bad feeling about this.

 

Everything goes well, his father doesn't even mention the fact that Tyrion is curiously absent until Tommen does. 

"Where's Uncle Tyrion?" He asks, looking worried. 

Jaime swallows a lump forming in his throat as a stony and very uncomfortable silence settles over the huge table. 

"I'll call him." Jaime says at the end, when his father raises his eyebrow at him. 

He knows this is a very bad idea, but when you're stuck between Tywin Lannister and Tyrion Lannister, it is kind of hard to decide. 

The song Telephone (Jaime never understood why Tyrion liked Lady Gaga apart from the fact that she was good looking) plays from his phone, and it feels like an eternity before Tyrion picks up. 

_"Jaime, if it's about the family dinner, tell them straight to the face that I'm spending some time with my girlfriend and I will not come there because I'm over at the Starks. Got it? Tell Father if he calls one more time, I'm going to make sure he'll be drinking poisoned wine the next time he's at a restaurant."_

Jaime couldn't believe his ears, because on top of the dangerous voice coming from the phone, he could have sworn Ned Stark's first son (Robb, was it?) was laughing uproariously at the back while Sansa seemed to be saying something reprimanding to Tyrion. 

The oldest Lannister son sighs, and he shuts off his phone, putting into his phone. 

"What did he say? Is he coming?" His father asks impatiently. 

Jaime clears his throat and decides not to tell Tyrion's last message. "He says he's with his girlfriend."

It was safe to say, amidst Renly Baratheon's snickers, that this was the only time Jaime ever saw his father look _pissed_.

And that Tyrion was very much suicidal. 

 

* * *

The fourth time it happens, Jaime's at a football match and he wants someone to trample on his phone. 

 

Jaime was an asshole, yes. 

But that didn't mean he forgot the fact that Tyrion loved fantasy football, and it didn't mean he was an asshole for the simple loving gesture he had done by calling his little brother to watch the latest football match between Arsenal and Manchester United on his TV since he wasn't lucky enough to get the tickets.

 

But apparently it made him an asshole because he called at the wrong time. 

 

"Tyrion! Guess what, I think Arsenal might actually be winning this match, turn on your TV!" Jaime says with a grin on his face as he sees the scoreboard, popcorn in his mouth and not minding the cold weather he was exposed to on the football stadium. 

_"That's nice, Jaime, but I'm kinda busy. I'm buying a gift for Sansa."_

The grin on Jaime's face dies and he exhales and hangs up. 

Bronn, a friend of his introduced by Tyrion, who's sitting next to him and is popping popcorn into his mouth, looks curiously at him. 

"What did he say?" Bronn asks through a mouthful of popcorn. 

Jaime just shakes his head. "I'm betting you my Pepsi can that he's buying a wedding ring for his girlfriend." 

Bronn nods wisely. "He worships that Stark girl as if she's some sort of goddess, yeah?"

Jaime rolls his eyes. "You don't say."

* * *

 

The next time it happens, Jaime's laughing. 

 

Because it's not him who is on the wrong end of the phone. 

 

The best time of his week was when Brienne came over. They'd do chores in his house together, as stupidly domestic as that sounded but it only happened because Brienne objected to being in a 'pig sty', watched a movie and rarely, fucked each other. 

 

This time, tired out with the night activities, Jaime's about to fall asleep, when his phone is ringing. 

Jaime would rather let the person hang themselves or fall in cow dung than rather let them disturb him as he's snuggled next to Brienne's warm and comforting body but Brienne had to be a good person, a person far too good for this world, and had to tell him to pick it up. 

He's grumbling and barely sees the caller's ID as he picks it up but when he hears the caller's voice, he's fed up.

 _"Jaime?_ "

"Oh look who it is, deciding to wake me up after I fell asleep. What do you want? You know what, I'm busy trying to get some sleep. Call later." Jaime says blandly, hanging up and putting the phone under his pillow. 

"Who was it? You shouldn't have been that rude." Brienne reprimands, albeit sleepily.

Jaime chuckles a little bit. "Someone I've been itching to get my revenge on." He says, his voice hoarse with sleepiness. 

Brienne just grunts. 

A small  _beep_ comes from his phone and Jaime blinks as he switches it on.

There's a text message.

_'U, are an asshole. who on earth sleeps at 9 in the night?'_

Jaime only chuckles even more until Brienne nudges him sharply as possible in the chest with her elbow. 

* * *

 

Tyrion scowls at the response. 

_'What can i say, no people are like me, u know'_

"And I'm not Catelyn Stark, you asshole. Why on earth do I give my wallet to you if you're not going to give it back?"

* * *

 

**Author's Note:**

> I...wanted to write Sanrion?  
> Lol, do feel free to review in a civil manner!


End file.
